Recently, a client approached me seeking guidance on processing the emotion of hurt. As part of our work together on developing emotional intelligence skills for workplace success, she found herself triggered by a conversation with a colleague. Recognising the importance of addressing this emotional hurdle, she felt unable to continue our development session without first working through the trigger and devising an action plan.

While I’m not a therapist, I firmly believe that processing emotions is a learnable skill and a vital aspect of emotional intelligence that empowers us to thrive in both personal and professional settings. Through therapy and the process of healing, emotional intelligence (EQ) can be developed. Additionally, by proactively learning EQ skills, we can further our healing. It’s not uncommon for me to work with professionals to develop workplace and EQ skills, who are also doing some healing work with a therapist.

Considering this, I’d like to share proactive steps for effectively managing and coping with feelings of hurt in case they may be helpful to you. Remember to be patient with yourself and seek the support  of a therapist when needed.

1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings: Allow yourself to recognise and validate your emotions. It’s okay to feel hurt, and denying or suppressing these feelings can intensify them, prolonging emotional distress.

Suppressed emotions often resurface eventually, sometimes in unexpected and intensified ways. What might have been a minor hurt initially can grow into a larger emotional issue if left unaddressed.

Unresolved feelings of hurt can affect your relationships with others. You might become more irritable, withdrawn, or resentful, which can strain your relationships and make it difficult to connect with others.

2. Identify the source: Try to understand what caused the hurt. Was it something someone said or did? Was it a particular event or situation? Understanding the source of your hurt can help you address it more effectively. Bear in mind, sometimes the best course of action is not to take any action.

3. Express yourself: Find healthy ways to express your feelings. This could include talking to a trusted friend or family member, your therapist, your coach, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative activities like art or music. Focus on processing and expressing your feelings in healthy ways when dealing with hurt.

4. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend going through a tough time. Avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk such as catastrophising. Consider alternative, more balanced perspectives.

5. Practice Grounding Techniques: Use grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present moment when feeling overwhelmed. Focus on your breath, notice sensory details in your environment, or engage in activities that require your full attention. What self-soothing techniques work for you?

6. Establish boundaries: If you’ve been hurt by someone else, it’s important to establish boundaries to safeguard your wellbeing. This could involve having an open and honest conversation with the person involved about your feelings and needs, and mutually understanding each other’s perspectives. Alternatively, it might mean creating some distance from the situation or individual to give yourself space to regain your sense of safety.

7. Seek support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it. This could be from friends, family, a therapist, or a coach, who can provide guidance and perspective. Consider seeking professional help if you’re struggling to cope or if your emotions are significantly impacting your daily life.

8. Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation and prioritise your well-being.

9. Practice forgiveness: I wasn’t sure whether to add this, as “forgive and forget” is often given as advice. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning the behaviour that hurt you, but it can help release the emotional burden you’re carrying. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself and can be a powerful step toward healing. However, forgiveness in the context of trauma can be more myth than fact. If you’ve experienced trauma, forgiveness is not a prerequisite. Seeking help from a qualified and licensed therapist can aid in healing faster than trying to manage on your own. Ultimately, do what works best for you and your circumstances.

10. Learn and grow: Use the experience of hurt as an opportunity for personal growth and learning. Reflect on what you can take away from the situation and how you can use it to become stronger and more resilient.

If you’re ready to take proactive steps toward personal and professional growth, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for an initial discussion. Together, we can explore how personalised coaching, learning, and development strategies, including developing emotional intelligence skills, can help you thrive in the workplace.

“Susan has been a wonderful guide in helping me develop and learn some new skills and practices to undo the CEN I experienced growing up. She is very understanding; a great support and I appreciated the regular check-ins.” Business Owner

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health and needs immediate support, please consider reaching out to organisations like the Samaritans. You can contact them on 116 123 or visit their website https://www.samaritans.org/. Remember, you’re not alone, and help is available.