Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN): Unlocking Personal Growth with Emotional Intelligence Skills
We all carry the legacy of our childhood experiences into our adult lives. Some of these experiences can be a source of strength and resilience, while others may leave us with invisible barriers that hinder our growth and success. One such hidden obstacle is Childhood Emotional Neglect or CEN – a term coined by Dr Jonice Webb, psychotherapist, and author of “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect” and “Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships”.
What is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)?
Put simply, the clue is in the name, it’s when a child’s emotions are neglected. CEN happens when a child’s emotional needs are not met enough of the time. CEN is not something that is done to you but what is not done. It does not need to be traumatic or dramatic, but it still leaves its mark.
CEN doesn’t imply occasional neglect of emotional needs. No parent is flawless and meeting every need all the time isn’t feasible. CEN signifies that emotional needs weren’t consistently met or were overlooked frequently. The crucial aspect here is the consistent absence of what was necessary.
Experiencing CEN doesn’t indicate that the parent or caregiver lacked love for their kids or that a person had a terrible childhood. It can happen in various family setups and is more about what’s missing. It’s more about the emotions that weren’t acknowledged, understood, or addressed, and this can be for a variety of reasons. There is no blame, there can be learning and development for personal growth, and healing with the help of therapy, where required.
What has CEN got to do with work?
If you were brought up in an environment where emotions were rarely discussed or acknowledged, as an adult you may find it difficult to express yourself, and to express your feelings in the workplace setting. You may find it difficult to form close relationships with colleagues, leading to a lack of collaboration and potential missed career opportunities.
If you were not encouraged to speak up in childhood, you may find it challenging to speak up and assert yourself during meetings, set healthy boundaries, and navigate workplace conflicts effectively. You may shrink to make others feel comfortable. A fear of asking for help, seeking support, or building meaningful relationships can stem from CEN.
CEN and diversity
In understanding the effects of CEN on professional life, it’s crucial to recognise the diverse backgrounds and intersecting identities of individuals affected by this experience. Individuals from various cultural, racial, gender, and neurodiverse backgrounds may encounter distinct challenges when navigating the workplace because of CEN. This intersectionality can significantly influence how emotions are expressed, perceived, and managed in professional settings. Acknowledging these diverse experiences is fundamental in providing tailored support to unlock the potential hindered by CEN.
Imagine two individuals, both affected by CEN, navigating their professional lives. One person, from a culturally diverse background, might have been raised in a family where emotional expression was perceived differently due to cultural norms and traditions. Their workplace interactions could be influenced by these cultural nuances, affecting how they communicate or engage with colleagues.
On the other hand, consider someone from a neurodiverse community, who might have experienced challenges in understanding and expressing emotions in ways typical in neurotypical environments. Their workplace dynamics might be impacted by these neurodiverse traits, leading to potential misunderstandings or difficulties in connecting with co-workers.
In both cases, the effects of CEN are compounded by the unique aspects of their identities, creating distinctive challenges in professional settings. Acknowledging these intersections of cultural, neurodiverse, or other diverse backgrounds is essential in comprehending the multifaceted impact of CEN on individuals’ experiences at work.
What has CEN to do with learning and developing?
We’re not magically born with the skills we need to thrive in adulthood. We need to be taught some skills. Part of learning and developing from CEN is providing you with the tools and strategies to break down the barriers created by CEN and learn the skills that were missed in childhood, all of which can help to unlock your potential.
What difference would it make to you:
- To build healthy levels of self-esteem.
- To understand your emotional responses, which can lead to modifying approaches for personal and professional growth, and a better-quality home and work-life.
- To be able to say ‘no’ and set healthy boundaries to help protect your wellbeing, productivity, and maintain healthy relationships at work.
- To overcome the fear of seeking support or fostering healthy connections with your colleagues; and to better navigate challenges in the workplace.
Clarification of approach
My clients usually present as highly capable, conscientious, and caring professionals, but deep down, they can feel flawed, as if something is missing.
I work with clients to address the impact of CEN on their professional lives. Offering a personalised coaching and development programme with development elements from CEN therapy and with your personal and professional goals in mind.
It’s important to note that as a qualified and experienced Professional Coach and Development Partner who has also trained with Dr Jonice Webb to CEN Therapy Level 2, my role is to work with a focus on your present and future while being mindful of the past. While therapy often focuses and delves into the depths of past experiences, our sessions are designed to help you identify your current challenges and future goals, breakdown limiting barriers linked to CEN, and bridge development gaps missed in childhood and in your professional life. I’m here to provide guidance, support, and practical strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence, personal growth, and professional development.
As individuals, we are all responsible for our own wellbeing and mental health. If you have experienced and not healed from trauma, therapy for trauma recovery is the priority. In the UK, the British Psychological Society offers a list of qualified and licensed psychologists of various specialisms, and a list of counsellors can be found through other membership bodies and Psychology Today.
My recommended resources for CEN can be found in the reference section below – books by Dr Jonice Webb, her article on the “10 Common Misconceptions About Emotional Neglect”, and her questionnaire to help you determine whether you have been impacted by CEN. There is another book you may also find useful, “The Drama of the Gifted Child” by Alice Miller.
If this resonates with you, and if you are interested in working with me, please join me for a relaxed and confidential chat. We can explore your situation and desired results, and how to bridge that gap, with a personalised one-to-one programme. Simply book a complimentary discovery call.
References and Resources
Books:
- Jonice Webb PhD with Chrisine Musello PsyD (2012). “Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect.” Morgan James Publishing.
- Jonice Webb PhD (2017). “Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships with Your Partner, Your Parents, and Your Children.” Morgan James Publishing.
Articles:
- Jonice Webb PhD (2023, March). “10 Common Misconceptions About Emotional Neglect.” Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/childhood-emotional-neglect/202303/10-common-misconceptions-about-emotional-neglect
Online Resources:
- Webb, J. (n.d.). CEN Questionnaire. Retrieved from https://drjonicewebb.com/cenquestionnaire/
- British Psychological Society. (n.d.). Find a Psychologist. Retrieved from https://www.bps.org.uk/find-psychologist
- Psychology Today. (n.d.). Counselling Directory – United Kingdom. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
- The Samaritans. (n.d.). Home. Retrieved from https://www.samaritans.org/
Note
Recognising that language and perspectives can impact different communities, we aspire to learn and evolve to ensure our content is sensitive and inclusive. We invite feedback and insights from diverse backgrounds to enhance our understanding and better support everyone who seeks our services.
